


the sum of all things

by ghostsoldier



Category: Bully: Scholarship Edition
Genre: 50 Sentences, Angst, Community: 1sentence, Gen, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostsoldier/pseuds/ghostsoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Gary sees the world, in 50 sentences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sum of all things

**Author's Note:**

> Theme set “Epsilon,” from [1sentence](http://1sentence.livejournal.com). I opted to keep these in thematic rather than chronological order, so it jumps around quite a bit in time. Originally written and posted in 2007.

#01 -- Comfort  
You lay with one arm trapped underneath him and your head on his chest -- you tell him it’s because the bed is so fucking small that you don’t have a choice, but really you just like hearing his heartbeat.  
  
#02 -- Kiss  
His mouth is warm and alive beneath yours and you can’t quite place what it is he tastes like, so you chase the flavor with your tongue until he gasps and shudders, his fingers fluttering in your hair, and as you’re mouthing along his jaw you finally figure it out -- before you kissed him, he’d been eating an apple.  
  
#03 -- Soft  
It's astonishing how easily he bruises.  
  
#04 -- Pain  
Instead of getting mad at you, he just sucks in his breath and makes small, wounded sounds, and whenever he does that you want to hit him again because his expression of hurt betrayal makes something twist in your stomach; you hate that he can make you feel this way.  
  
#05 -- Potatoes  
The look of irritation when you aim the spoonful of mashed potatoes at him is amusing enough, and the look of righteous indignation you get when you actually fling it at him is even better, but you don’t think anything will top his wide-eyed shock when you swipe some from his cheek and suck it off your finger.  
  
#06 -- Rain  
It’s past midnight, and there are miniature rivers running down the glass, casting shadows on his skin -- outside it might be cold and wet, but curled up next to you he’s warm and soft, and you haven’t spent a single night in your own bed this week.  
  
#07 -- Chocolate  
He shyly gives you a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, and you laugh at him, say, “What, are you a twelve-year old _girl_ , now?”...but after he’s stormed off angry and embarrassed, you slide the box into the drawer of your nightstand and that’s where it stays, even after all the candy is gone.  
  
#08 -- Happiness  
You can’t _stand_ this show, but he’s got the remote control out of reach and he’s laughing, squirming when you shove your hands under his shirt, tickle him mercilessly, and pretty soon you’re laughing too -- by the time he drops the remote, you really don’t care about the tv anymore.  
  
#09 -- Telephone  
You twist the metal cord of the dorm payphone in your fingers and say, “Yes, Mom, _yes_ , I’m _taking_ them, God...” and you sound so bored and irritated that it’s no wonder she takes you at your word.  
  
#10 -- Ears  
While he’s doing homework at his desk, you slide up behind him, put your mouth against his ear, and whisper, “I’m gonna suck you off tonight, little Petey, you think you’ll like that?” and before you pull away you flick your tongue against his earlobe and smirk when he shivers.  
  
#11 -- Name  
Your new roommate is short and slight, introduces himself as Pete Kowalski, but you take one look at his pink shirt and his nervous smile, and you tell him that he’s “Femme Boy” from here on in.  
  
#12 -- Sensual  
He unbuttons your shirt one button at a time and pushes the fabric aside, touches your collarbone with his lips, and once your shirt is open his fingertips trail over your ribcage, your stomach, and his expression of fierce concentration makes something in you _burn_.  
  
#13 -- Death  
Without your medication, your head feels full to bursting, your thoughts spiraling out of control and piling on top of each other in endless crackling bursts until you want to bang your head against the wall as hard as you can so your mind will shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck UP so you can SLEEP...but you’d take that over the thick, gray blankness any day, and so into the trash the bottles go.  
  
#14 -- Sex  
The first time around, you don’t even make it out of your clothes -- it’s sweet and sticky and too goddamn good, and afterward, when he looks nervous and asks if you want him to go, you like the way he blushes when you grin and tell him to take his fucking pants off already.  
  
#15 -- Touch  
There are certain places you like to come back to again and again, like the crease where his leg joins his hip, the softness of his inner elbow, the nape of his neck; if you were to make a sensory map of his body, you’d color each of these in red, and you don’t think you’ll ever get tired of the way he shudders when you trace each one with your fingertips.  
  
#16 -- Weakness  
One night, he thinks you’re asleep and he whispers that he loves you; you don’t let him know that you heard.  
  
#17 -- Tears  
In your first year of living with him, you skip out on detention one afternoon and catch him crying in your room, curled in on himself like a little kid, shaking with noiseless sobs -- the moment is such a private one that it’s like you’ve caught him masturbating, and you stand shocked in the doorway until he notices and screams for you to get out.  
  
#18 -- Speed  
You ask if he trusts you -- at first, you don’t think he’s going to answer, but then he says he does and he settles himself on the handlebars without another word, and you ride and you ride and you don’t let him fall, and the wind snatches both your laughter away.  
  
#19 -- Wind  
There are tornados in your mind and it’s been a week since you last took your pills, but in spite of that you feel absolutely _great_ \-- you’re the tornado now, you’re random and dangerous and none of those morons could ever track you, and when you think about the destruction you’ll leave in your wake you laugh and laugh and for a while it’s quiet inside your head.  
  
#20 -- Freedom  
Even when it rains, you still go to the fence -- there, you wind your fingers in the chain link and press your face to the metal, and as the water drips in your hair and your clothes, you close your eyes and for a few seconds you’re able to forget which side of the fence you’re on.  
  
#21 -- Life  
If Bullworth is a microcosm for the whole world, then where the hell does that leave you?  
  
#22 -- Jealousy  
In the hallway, you stop and watch as Hopkins ruffles his hair, and the open happiness in his face as he laughs and ducks away makes something hard and hurtful clench in your chest; you can’t remember the last time he laughed for you that way.  
  
#23 -- Hands  
In art class, you watch as he carefully molds the slip into the cracks of another student's clay pot, and his touch is so confident and sure that you wonder if this is what he's doing with you -- sealing your cracks and smoothing out your jagged edges, like he's shaping you into something whole.  
  
#24 -- Taste  
You try to race the storm on your way back from town, but the downpour catches up with you and you're both drenched, shivering, huddled in the lee of the bridge while cold rain dumps in sheets around you -- his voice is drowned out by the roar of the storm, and when you kiss him, all you can taste is the rain.  
  
#25 -- Devotion  
You never say a word and yet he still comes back, every other day; it’s like he’s refusing to give up on you, and you wish to God you knew why.  
  
#26 -- Forever  
When you make as if to head back to your own bed, he grabs your wrist and asks you to stay -- instead of asking how long, you just crawl back under the covers and drape yourself around him, and sleep until the alarm goes off.  
  
#27 -- Blood  
“No, you idiot, tilt your head forward,” you tell him, and he does, still whimpering, and you put your arm around him and hold a towel to his nose and quietly vow that you’re going to find out which of the bullies did this -- you’re the only one who gets to pick on him, dammit.  
  
#28 -- Sickness  
When the doctor asks if you hear voices, you snort and tell her that you're not fucking _schizo_...but what you don't tell her is that someone _is_ talking in your head all the time, but it's your voice and your thoughts and because of that it doesn't count.  
  
#29 -- Melody  
He hums while he cleans his side of the room -- you sprawl out on your bed with an open textbook on your stomach and tell him he couldn’t carry a tune in a goddamn bucket, but he shoots you an exasperated look and keeps on humming, and you’re secretly kind of glad because he has a nice voice and you just can’t bring yourself to admit it.  
  
#30 -- Star  
You've gone nuclear, baby -- kaBOOM, collapse -- and if there was an event horizon it's long since passed, because you're fucking quantum now, kiddies, you're a hole in the universe and you'll suck up the light and you'll take everyone down if it kills you.  
  
#31 -- Home  
It’s three in the morning when he sits down next to you on the couch in the common room -- instead of his head boy uniform, he’s dressed in his pajamas, and in the flickering light of the tv he smiles and looks over at you and says, “You can stretch your legs out, you know,” and his hands rest warm and sure on your shins when you finally give in and do.  
  
#32 -- Confusion  
Smirking, you tell him that you hear Hopkins is sexually confused, but he just laughs and shakes his head, says, “I don’t know, I think that’s one of the few things he’s _not_ confused about,” and now you’re left wondering just what in the hell _that’s_ supposed to mean.  
  
#33 -- Fear  
And then one day he’s late, and you start wondering if maybe something happened to him, or -- even worse -- he’s just plain given up on you, and by the time he shows up, breathlessly explaining about a flat tire, you’re so sick with worry and furious with yourself for needing him so much that you refuse to talk to him the entire time he’s there.  
  
#34 -- Lightning/Thunder  
The way he follows you, you could ruin him -- you could utterly _destroy_ him, and he'd probably let you, and although there's no bolt of lighting or crash of thunder to accompany this revelation, you're shaken by it just the same.  
  
#35 -- Bonds  
Abruptly, you're sick of him being all the way across the couch, so you grab his shirt and haul him down on top of you, and you're amazed at how perfectly he curves around you, like the months that have passed are inconsequential because he's always belonged right here.  
  
#36 -- Market  
Whenever you're out, he always insists on buying you a soda -- you try to pay when he's not looking, because you can afford it and he can't, but he sets his mouth in a thin line and pointedly nudges you away from the register, and even though you roll your eyes and tell him he's going to go broke if he keeps it up, the whole thing makes you feel good and you have no idea why.  
  
#37 -- Technology  
It’s not that you don’t like him being better than you -- it’s that you hate _losing_ , and so every time he wins you make him enter your initials instead of his own, so no one looking at the high score screen would ever know that the top five slots are his wins and his alone.  
  
#38 -- Gift  
You think he’s asleep and so you slide into his bunk, your chest against his back, your arms around him, and you whisper, “I’m sorry,” your lips trembling when they touch his ear, and then he rolls over, he slides his arms around your waist, he says, “I forgive you, I forgive you,” and suddenly you can’t breathe.  
  
#39 -- Smile  
“Why are you smiling like that?” he asks nervously, and you just keep on grinning, tell him that’s for you to know and for him to find out, but then Hopkins makes it out of the Hole unscathed and with Russell on his side to boot, and suddenly you’re not smiling anymore.  
  
#40 -- Innocence  
You run a hand up his spine and say, “You like boys, little Petey?” and when he jumps and stammers that he doesn’t, all you have to do is look at his blush to know that he’s lying.  
  
#41 -- Completion  
There’s an expulsion letter signed by his Royal Priggishness on the counter when your parents finally bring you home -- in a way, you’re relieved everything is done with, _finito_ , but then come the phone calls and your parents start writing checks, and when autumn rolls around it turns out it’s not over after all.  
  
#42 -- Clouds  
"Hey, that little metallic one looks like an airplane!" you say, and cackle when he thwaps you and calls you a smartass.  
  
#43 -- Sky  
From the top of the main building, the school is like a tiny, scurrying anthill and you’re the kid with the magnifying glass -- silhouetted against the sky, you think this must be how God feels.  
  
#44 -- Heaven  
He believes in stuff like God and the afterlife and the persistence of good in all things, really and _honestly_ believes it with a sincerity that baffles you, and it pisses you off that you can sneer something like, "So all dogs go to Heaven, huh, Femme Boy?" and he just looks at you with wide-eyed earnestness and says, dead serious, "You know, I really think they do."  
  
#45 -- Hell  
Daytime is bad but night is worse, and not even the pillow folded over your head is enough to drown out their screams and howls; you hate yourself for wishing you were back with him, in his bed, your face tucked into the warm, sweet-smelling hollow of his neck, and when you realize one night that you can’t remember what he smells like anymore, you start to cry and there are no words for the depths of your self-loathing then.  
  
#46 -- Sun  
Over the summer, you drag him to the beach, not because you particularly _like_ the beach, but because you like the moment after you’ve stripped down to your underwear (you always conveniently forget your swimsuit, and make sure he forgets his too), when you look over while you’re both lying sprawled in the hot sand and the sun gleams golden on his skin.  
  
#47 -- Moon  
Normally, you’re the one to go to him, but one night your covers are pulled back and he’s standing there wearing nothing but moonlight and an apprehensive expression; when you nod, the question in his eyes disappears and he slides into your arms, and neither of you need to speak.  
  
#48 -- Waves  
It's tsunami season, but you're the captain of this fucking ship and you're riding it until it ends, and you don't even care if you drown anymore because the tidal wave's crested and you're at the top of it, you're at the _top_ , and it's better than you ever thought it could be.  
  
#49 -- Hair  
He sounds horrified when he asks what in the hell you’re doing, but when you grin and put down the razor, ask if he likes it, he runs a thoughtful hand over your scalp and says, musing, “It feels like peachfuzz,” and you feel triumphant when he does it again, this time, smiling.  
  
#50 -- Supernova  
“Is this okay?” he says, and you tell him _yes, yes,_ without words, _yes,_ your fingertips trembling against his face, and then it’s his hands, his mouth, the dark smudge of his eyelashes on the tops of his cheeks, and when he looks up at you the sheer want in his eyes makes you arch, want and need and love, oh _fuck,_ and you can’t, you can’t, oh God, you can’t...and his fingers twine with yours and he holds you, he _holds_ you, and the world goes red, the world goes white, and you are the only two people who exist.


End file.
